Please give me opinions. best answer to those with constructive critisism?

Daisy, across the Broadway path


The girl with fame


In place of a heart





Singing out those small-town blues


Tied down to the past,


By buckle-up shoes





She would watch her stars


Each day and night


The walk of fame, her paradise





As the sun went down,


She lost disguise, un-zipped her top


Spread out her thighs





A snort of crack, a quick shoot up


Bubbles gone, she’s back on top


Time to grace her stage again





Oh, such a glamorous way


To pay the bills, greasy poles


And one night thrills





She dreamt of meeting Spielberg


To stand up with Monroe


Yet all she earned was money


From those in the front row





She always wanted to be a star,


She was my star


She’s fallen now.














please bear in mind i am only13


and have missed a year of schooling, so my grammar and patterns may be incorrect.


apologies.





thank you in advance.

Please give me opinions. best answer to those with constructive critisism?
that is so good!!!





have you considered entering in a contest or something,





I REALLY think you could win :]








keep writing, your talented :]
Reply:I like how your rhymes aren%26#039;t corny.





%26#039;A snort of crack, a quick shoot up


Bubbles gone, she’s back on top


Time to grace her stage again%26#039;





I%26#039;m not sure how much sense this makes.





I%26#039;d make this a little more personal and revalent to you and your life with more emotion.





By any chance, is this poem about either one of the Spears girls?



credot siosse